Destination: UK--?

As my close friends will be all too aware, I have spent the last few weeks battling an internal struggle with myself over what I will do once the school year finishes at the end of February next year. Ultimately where I am or what I'm doing for six months of my life doesn't really matter as long as I'm having a good time of it, but whether I will be having a good time of it is another matter.

I guess part of me wants to hang out in Korea, take advantage of the cheap subway clothing stalls and salsa it up in Itaewon with my friends at the weekends. The other part of me really misses fried eggs on toast and afternoon tea.

So I had thought, if I could negotiate with my school so that I only worked part time in the afternoons, essentially only teaching the kids I'm teaching now so that I won't have to deal with setting the ground rules again with a new bunch, that might work out for me. I'd have more free time to learn Korean and spend time with those friends that don't work regular 9-5 hours in the mornings and evenings. But then I thought, I probably wouldn't have a whole lot of time in the mornings to get all the way into Seoul and back, and I probably wouldn't get off work any earlier than I currently do. So I might just be a whole lot more bored, and with a decreased salary I might actually have to start worrying about money.

During negotiations I fleetingly suggested to my boss (mistake) that I could stay on full time for a couple of more months. Then I went away and thought about it. As much as I love my life in Korea, I guess I realised I just don't love the weeks quite enough to be living for the weekends. So I decided to come home in March as was originally planned.

So that fleeting comment was naturally taken as the written word, and my boss then went and started making plans for the new year with the intention that I would be staying. We had a chat this afternoon, her saying, "Oh but I want to change the English program, and you'll have more support, and you'll only have to teach the older children, and they are already used to English lessons so it will be easier, and it'll be easier for a new teacher to take over from you later in the year," and other such reasonably valid points.

It is thus that my excitement about coming home and eating all the fried eggs I can stomach and drinking all the afternoon tea the afternoons can offer started to wane, as I thought about how much I'll miss the kids. It's not that I feel any particular responsibility to the school, but I really will miss the kids. Today one of them unexpectedly just gave me a big hug and said, "Oh Teacher I like you!" It kinda pulls at heartstrings.

But writing this I realise, I'm going to leave at some point, so I'll have to leave the kids at some point. If the English program is going to change then I will have to oversee it. Well that sounds like a lot of effort and stress right there. I think another issue is that Lauren and I set up the whole English program in this school from scratch, and I don't like the idea of passing that responsibility onto someone else. But yes, eventually I must pass the baton, and it may as well be sooner rather than later.

I should book my flight before I change my mind again.